


Saint

by ofcorsetstrash



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Anal Sex, Clones, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Eventual Smut, Force Ghosts, Hurt/Comfort, Implied Mind Rape, M/M, Mind Rape, Post-Movie(s), Reincarnation, Religious Imagery & Symbolism, Snoke Being a Dick, Suicidal Thoughts, The Force, learned helplessness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-22
Updated: 2016-03-04
Packaged: 2018-05-22 16:27:26
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 15,223
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6086659
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ofcorsetstrash/pseuds/ofcorsetstrash
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Starkiller is fallen, is fallen; and all her gods and leaders hath broken unto the ground. A terrible vision is declared unto me; the treacherous dealer selleth naught but lies. General Hux and Kylo Ren fled from the swords, from the drawn sword, and from the bent bow, and from the grievousness of war.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Song of Solomon 3 : 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is me jumping into the dumpster fire where I belong.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SoS 3:1 By night on my bed I sought him whom my soul loveth; I sought him, but I found him not.

Kylo Ren crawled into consciousness like a flame across tinder. His eyes flickered, and his ribs creaked with his breath, every muscle fiber contracting...

 

“Stop that,” said a voice, a voice that did not consider the possibility that it would not be obeyed. Kylo stilled his body almost involuntarily. He shifted his attention to the figure seated at his bedside. Yes. This was a bed, these were walls, this a blanket, this a General Hux, this...this was pain-

 

“I said to stop,” snapped the General, his eyes icy. This time, Kylo looked straight at him. “You’ve terrorized the medstaff with your thrashing enough already.” A small, frustrated huff escaped General Hux. “I was hoping for you to stay under a bit longer, for their sakes.”

 

Kylo’s mouth twisted in what he pretended was disgust, but felt more like shame, with the way his cheeks burned beneath whatever sludge they had slathered on his face. “Oh?” he heaved the sound from his chest like it had real weight behind it. “Longer for you to gloat over my disgrace? To mock my plight? To laugh over how pitifully weak-” Kylo was running out of air, black spots dancing across his vision. Everything was rushing through his veins fast as light: the empty cell, the bridge, that  _ name _ (oh, how Kylo Ren longed to wipe that name from every existence, to crumble the minds that knew it as dry bread in his hands, to burn it out) the weak man who came seeking a son and found only emptiness and fire through his core, a touch (tenderness, warm like summer rain, forgiveness) the blinding razor-pain, darkness, screams, snow, star-fire, scavenger, spare-frame, sun,  _ Skywalker,  _ stillness, saber, stumbling, sweet silence, someone still sympathy seeping sanguine solo

 

General Hux leaned toward him, and cool fingers wrapped around his wrist. “ _ Stop _ .” This time, the single word stretched out between them, a plea. Kylo looked down at those fingers, gloveless and (were those freckles?) pressed against paper skin, dry and solid, the strangest lifeline. His mind clung to those fingers, his heartbeat slowing by inches.

 

“I-” The General’s gaze seemed to be focused somewhere below Kylo’s chin, perhaps in the divot of his collarbone. How odd… Kylo was almost tempted to search the other man’s thoughts, but he never had before. There had never been need nor desire to peer behind those pale eyes in all of their time attempting to work together, bared teeth and clenched jaws. Now...now for whatever reason, Kylo felt hesitant, that such an act would have consequences he could not dream of, or would be somehow blasphemous.

 

“I felt no joy, Lord Ren, in seeing you in such a state.”

 

What in the name of all holiness kind of drugs had Kylo been dosed with? Clearly something that impeded rational thought, at the very least, more likely some kind of hallucinogen. Yes, that was the only possible reality. There was no universe that could hold the vaunted General Hux thus, his face tipped toward Kylo’s, his eyes soft with such a gentleness to melt their usual steel.

 

“You hate me,” said Kylo’s voice, insubordinate. Not in the words, but in that dreadful, fluttering, hope. Kylo wanted to reach and snuff out the sound of his voice before it flew beyond his grasp, but the Force could only do so much.

 

The General only leaned closer, his breath dancing over Kylo’s lips, teeth. “I despise you.” The way he said it was a promise, a blessing, a hymn, and when their mouths touched Kylo swore he would only ever worship this.

 

* * *

 

 

_ How remarkable _ , said a very small whisper in the back of Hux’s head.  _ If one were to truly think about it, about time and space and entropy and chaos and the inevitability of action and reaction, everything in the universe has led to this moment. And everything after this moment will be irrevocably changed because of it. _

 

_ Please shut up _ , said the rest of Hux, but it came out of him a gasp when Ren teased at his lower lip with his teeth. Hux was using enough of his mental energy keeping track of his hands, he couldn’t afford to be distracted by his own brain’s parallel processing and- damn

 

There went his left hand, completely against orders, winding fingers into Ren’s dark hair, soft to put the finest silks to shame, even dampened by sweat and-

 

And now that Hux had gotten his own extremities under control, of  _ course _ Ren had to go and let one of his ungainly, oversized hands trace a goosebump trail from Hux’s elbow, to his shoulder, now along his jaw to settle just under his earlobe and…

 

Well…

 

Alright…

 

Hux could see himself being amenable to this.

 

Oh.

 

And now Ren was adding in something with his tongue...oh…

 

Hux pulled back, sitting himself straight upright in the chair he’d dragged to Ren’s bedside.

 

The irksome Knight was, at that moment, looking insufferably proud of himself.

 

_ I did this to him _ , said the very small voice.  _ That look of want and need, bitten lips and dilated pupils are there because I put them there. _

 

_ It wasn’t that hard _ , said the rest of Hux.

 

Even more quietly, very much smaller, hushed,  _ this look is much better than the broken shadowed thing found in the snow. _

 

Kylo Ren shifted where he lay, wincing when bandages pulled at skin. “May I…” he said quietly. “May I see what you’re thinking?”

 

Hux quirked an eyebrow. He didn’t even know where to  _ begin _ with such a stupid question. Honestly. One of his personal theories about Ren was that he was an evil mastermind, deliberately finding the specific action or words to keep Hux reeling, off-balance. Most of him rejected that hypothesis on the grounds that a) no one could possibly plot out such an endeavor, even someone who could move things with their mind, and b) Ren was far too much of an idiot.

 

Ren’s lips turned down. Good hell, was he actually pouting? “You think I’m an idiot?”

 

“I thought you were waiting for permission to read my mind.”

 

He shrugged. “I got bored.”

 

Hux normally had better self-control than this, but he felt frayed from exhaustion, pulled apart. He rolled his eyes. “You are insufferable, Ren.”

 

Kylo Ren moved his arm, the one Hux had been pretending to forget he was holding, and moved his fingers against Hux’s hand. Hux imagined he could feel it, soft feather-touches against his thoughts as Ren brought his pseudo-magic into focus.

 

“Such a mind,” murmured Ren. Hux leaned closer, to hear better, of course. “All straight lines and neat categories. Numbers, strategies, measurements, calculations. It’s almost…” He trailed off, his fingers halting in their movement on Hux’s skin.

 

“Almost what?”

 

Ren shook his head. “Nevermind.” His eyes were boring through Hux, dark, framed by shadowy lashes. It was a good thing he had such an appalling nose, Hux thought, or those eyes would be too much to bear.

 

“You came after me, saved me. Why?”

 

Hux’s heart jumped. He couldn’t let Ren see those thoughts. A figure cloaked and wrapped up, swirling fabric to hide in, a mask of metal and black to conceal, to frighten, to build and inspire awe and fear. Yet, there was that voice, distorted by the mask but sharp, words that challenged and teased. A mocking tilt of the mask, sarcastic words that goaded and gave up nothing. Hux had never been riled like that, never had someone he felt on such equal, yet unsteady, footing with. An intellectual rival that Hux would never, ever admit admiration for, and yet..

 

Hux knew he was lost before he ever saw Ren’s face.

 

When he finally did…

 

“Snoke ordered me to collect you and deliver you to him in person, to complete your training.”

 

The warmth in the air shattered. The medbay buzzed chill, machines beeped, hoses pumped medicine. Metallic surfaces reflected reality exactly as it was. Kylo Ren’s face went carefully blank, and he turned away from Hux.

 

“Oh.” Their hands separated. Hux absolutely did not shiver. His hands were best kept to himself, after all. They were fine settled on his knees. Just fine. “The Supreme Leader is wise. I have no doubt that this is what is best.”

 

“Of course.” Hux stood and adjusted the sleeves of his coat. No, hands, you do not need to tuck that dark hair back behind an ear, to see his face, to touch again and again and. “You were unconscious for some time. We should reach the Supreme Leader’s location in-” He checked his time-piece. “Just over twenty-seven hours. I advise you collect yourself and see that you are as fit to present yourself as possible.”

 

Hux turned to leave, to break out of this strange, sterile, bacta-scented prison. He had a First Order to help rebuild, after all. Better that, than swooning around some wampa-brained invalid’s bedside.

 

“General.”

 

Hux looked back. Ren really was ridiculous, managing to be so over-sized as to be dangling off the bed in all directions, yet still somehow looked small.

 

“Nevermind.”

  
Hux snorted, rolled his eyes, and left. Really. Kylo Ren had to be the most absurd life-form in the galaxy.


	2. Revelations 13 : 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rev. 13:4 And they worshipped the dragon which gave power unto the beast: and they worshiped the beast, saying, Who is like unto the beast? who is able to make war with him?

_ Fire is in me. It burns away weakness, fear. With this fire licking my ribs, I can do anything. _

 

_ But that truth is leaving me. The fire has consumed all that it can, leaving me darkened. That is well. That is what I have always wanted. _

 

_ This Dark is not what I thought it would be, though. The darkness is fragile; it crumbles everywhere I touch and seeps out of me. It spills from my side and escapes my eyes. I try to hold fast to it, to stuff it back inside me. If it leaves me, if I lose this, then I’ll be nothing… _

 

_ I am nothing. _

 

_ The cold has numbed me. The world shudders with its burden of destruction. My face is pressed into the snow but I feel it not. There is nothing left.  _

 

_ I am alone. _

 

_ I am unwanted. _

 

_ I am...lonely. _

 

_ I am cast aside. _

 

_ At the edge of the precipice, I slip over into void without fanfare, but there, just at the end...a gentle hand on my face. I hear myself whisper- _

 

_ Worse than oblivion, a final, condemning sound… _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

_ “Papa?” _

 

Hux woke in mid-air, falling from his bed. Tangled in his blankets, still disoriented from sleep, he flung curses into the room.  _ Of course _ Ren would find a way to harass and torment him, even while they were both unconscious and at opposite ends of the ship. Inflicting his nightmares on unsuspecting Generals, probably on purpose…

 

Checking his time-piece, Hux winced. Five hours left.

 

With hands that did not shake (they did  _ not _ ), Hux went about his usual grooming routine. Every red hair was put in its exact place, every fleck of stubble scraped away, every crease in his uniform pressed to perfection.

 

Four hours left.

 

Hux got out the polish and made sure that his boots gleamed. He found himself going over and over the leather until his arms ached and sweat dampened his temples.

 

Three hours.

 

This was absurd, bordering on the comical. If Hux were the kind of person to laugh at himself, he would be doing so, right now. There was nothing but the path ahead, the way to the Supreme Leader and whatever punishment awaited him for his transgressions. It wasn’t as if Hux could comm Kylo Ren to meet him in the hangar, where the two of them would take a ship and leave, find a far-off world with no First Order, no Republic, Resistance, no fathers, mothers, no force, no Force…

 

Two hours.

 

Hux went through the messages on his datapad, flagging the important ones and deleting the old or unnecessary.

 

One.

 

Hux went early, walking the halls of the stone citadel. He stood in front of the doors to Supreme Leader’s cathedral at parade rest, letting the minutes drift past him, waves on the ocean. Hux tried not to think about anything at all, especially the fact that the Supreme Leader certainly knew he was there, palms held out for the switch.

 

Unbidden, the image floated to the top of his mind of an animal chained in a box. The creature was administered electric shocks over the course of years, helpless. Until one day the chains were removed. The sad thing could escape, now; it could be free any time it wished. However, its will had been broken. It no longer believed it could escape its pain, no longer had hope. The animal sat in the open box and accepted every torture bestowed on it until death.

 

Kylo Ren swanned his way down the hallway to Hux’s right. The dark fabric swirled around him, a new mask concealing his humanity. Hux knew better.

 

Without a word or sign of greeting, Ren settled himself at Hux’s side.

 

Hux cleared his throat. “I wish to make something clear, Lord Ren. What happened in the medbay was a mistake. A brief, foolish display of sentiment.” It was a lie, but a lie that they both needed to believe.

 

The helmet tipped in response. No words. That was likely a good thing. Now, Hux could straighten his shoulders, school his features into neutrality.

 

The door opened.

 

* * *

 

 

Kylo Ren stood, Hux on his left, penitent. Supreme Leader was wise and just, he knew. There would be no error. Any  _ correction _ administered upon himself and General Hux would be neither too little, nor too much. He swallowed down the rising, irrational sense of blind panic.

 

Silence. Kylo made himself look at his master. There was no reason not to (it’s like watching a corpse. Does he even breathe?) other than the childish desire to flee the righteous consequences of his actions.

 

At last, the Supreme Leader spoke, but not to Kylo Ren.

 

“General,” Snoke’s voice drawled along the syllables. “It is good to see you looking well.”

 

“Supreme Leader,” was Hux’s only response, his mouth tight and his entire frame braced, as if anticipating an impact.

 

“Hm.” Snoke leaned back, as if considering something, his dark eyes roaming over Hux. Kylo drowned out his own sudden feeling of no,  _ mine _ . “Here you stand before me, the pinnacle of years of refining, training, discipline…” something like a smirk crossed Snoke’s face. “Conditioned from birth.” Kylo Ren felt bile rising in the back of his throat, and he desperately swallowed it down. “Ready and waiting to be...molded into whatever it is that your betters require you to be…”

 

Something inside Kylo was ripping at him, raging to escape. He was able to contain himself to only shaking, shivering before his master. Hux seemed to feel it, too, but the only outward sign of it he allowed was digging his nails into the palms of his hands behind his back. Kylo yearned to reach out to him with his thoughts, but he didn’t dare in front of Snoke. Not now.

 

The Supreme Leader seemed to come to some kind of a conclusion. “Do not think of this as a punishment, General,” he said, gliding to the center of the room. “In fact, it could be quite the opposite, and has been intended for you for some time.”

 

Snoke waved his hand, and a pedestal rose from the floor. The sides fell away, revealing a small black cube, perhaps three inches to each side, slightly translucent and rutilated.

 

Kylo heard a small whimper, and was mortified to realize it came from his own throat. Neither Snoke nor Hux acknowledged the sound, for which Kylo was grateful. The sheer magnitude of... _ the Force _ that radiated from that small cube was overwhelming.

 

Snoke gestured, and the cube lifted from its place and drifted over to him, settling in the air a few inches above his extended hand. “Step forward, General.”

 

Hux didn’t hesitate, only moved one sharp step forward, his gaze unwavering and controlled, his entire bearing noble and strong. Kylo, on the other hand…

 

As Snoke moved closer to the two of them, the cube rotating lazily before him, Kylo could feel his mind dissolving in the onslaught of power. His legs quaked with the need to run-

“You  _ will not _ run, boy,” Snoke intoned towards his apprentice. “Do not do yourself the disservice. I advise you pay close attention. This should be...educational.”

 

Kylo clawed at his helmet, the urge for air burning up his lungs, his vision beginning to black out. He pried the accursed thing from his head, trying to fling it away but only managing about a foot of distance. His perception, his world, narrowed down to Hux, then the back of Hux’s head, then the single drop of sweat beading at the nape of Hux’s neck.

 

Once close enough, Snoke held the cube out to the General. “This rightfully belongs to you,” the Supreme Leader said, his voice cold and smooth.

 

For a moment, Hux did nothing. The three of them stood immobile in a terrible tableaux: the ghoul, the statue, and the madman. Then General Hux reached forward and wrapped his bare fingers around the cube.

 

“Supreme Leader Snoke,” Hux began. “I don’t thi-”

 

His words snapped off in midair, a dead tree limb in the deepest winter. There was only the barest motion of his shoulders, a slight movement of his head. Kylo huddled inside himself, terrified of what he would feel if he reached out now. Never, in all of his training, all of his tests, his trials, had he been prepared for this. The Force rang for a split second in his ears like feedback from a broken comm unit, high-pitched beyond hearing but still painful. Hux straightened his shoulders and looked towards Snoke; for the rest of his life Kylo was grateful that he didn’t see Hux’s face in that moment.

 

“That was-” said Hux’s voice. “More fluid than I expected. All thanks to you, I am sure, Master.”

 

Snoke smiled. The smallest, most bizarre part of Kylo’s mind noted that it was not a good look for him. “It is good to see you again in person, so to speak. You were right about that cloning technology being useful.”

 

Hux’s body knelt before Snoke, his head bowed. “I owe you my life, Master.”

 

Finally, the person that looked like Hux turned, and Kylo met his eyes. A smile lit up the pale face. Hux never smiled. “Ah,” the person said, strolling nearer to Kylo. “This must be him, yes? The latest scion of Skywalker.” That cold gaze swept deliberately down and then back up to Kylo’s face. “How...oh, how should I put this? Deplorable.” The room felt like a tomb had just been opened, and something unspeakable had crawled from the depths. Slightly delirious, Kylo supposed that thought was rather too accurate to be just a metaphor.

 

The person wearing Hux stepped up to Kylo’s side, their shoulders brushing. “What is that I see?” Kylo flung up walls in his head, too slow. Hux’s fingers on his wrist, molten steel eyes, lips pinked with kissing. “Ah. Well, then.” A smirk. “If that is what you desire most, perhaps we can arrange some way for you to be properly fucked, Ren.”

 

“Kylo Ren,” droned Snoke. “For your shameful failure, I am renouncing you as my apprentice. Perhaps you may find some kind of redemption serving your General.” He turned to Hux’s form. “Or will you be reclaiming your old title, Emperor?”

 

Kylo had never heard Hux laugh before. This was not Hux, and the sound felt like a razor scraped across wire. “Not yet, I think. General should do well, for now.”

 

“Very well.”

  
A bright smile flashed at Kylo. “Come. Follow me, little Skywalker.”


	3. Lamentations 3 : 4 - 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lam. 3:4-11 My flesh and my skin hath he made old; he hath broken my bones. He hath builded against me, and compassed me with gall and travail. He hath set me in dark places, as they that be dead of old. He hath hedged me about, that I cannot get out: he hath made my chain heavy. Also when I cry and shout, he shutteth out my prayer. He hath inclosed my ways with hewn stone, he hath made my paths crooked. He was unto me as a bear lying in wait, and as a lion in secret places. He hath turned aside my ways, and pulled me in pieces: he hath made me desolate.

Ben Solo was dead, strangled slowly and buried. Little sparks of his memories, though, could still take Kylo Ren by surprise. The smell of engine coolant, a song whistled down a long hallway, words that belonged to a smuggler, spilling out of his own mouth. Kylo always hacked those memories to pieces, slashing them apart and exiling them to the furthest, darkest corners of his being, where he could pretend they did not haunt him.

 

In the last seventy-two hours, however, Kylo had gone searching those memories out with a vengeance. He scoured those old thoughts, secret dreams and abandoned wishes, searching desperately for what information should have been there.

 

All through Ben Solo’s short life, he had heard the name Darth Vader, sometimes Anakin Skywalker. He had collected the scraps of stories as precious treasures, building them into something proto-mythic, a figure too great to be human, to be weak or fearful. Yes. He had heard much of Darth Vader.

 

Kylo Ren could count the times that Ben’s family had said the name Palpatine on one hand with fingers to spare.

 

This person walking around wearing Hux’s face was evil. Kylo had never felt anything like it before. He knew some people that considered Supreme Leader Snoke to be what they wanted to call evil, and yes, Snoke was cold, remorseless, even cruel, but he did what he did out of necessity, as he had explained to Kylo for many years. This man, though, this _Darth Sidious_ , radiated malice, he delighted in horror, and he reveled in pain. Kylo had never seen death as anything but a means to an end, but this other creature, this Sith, took a grand joy in it. Resistance bases and even neutral planets and moons were razed at his word. It was wanton slaughter, decadent and obscene.

 

Eleven days into hell. Kylo stalked about the _Finalizer_ at Sidious’ side, his guard-dog in black. _Is...is this how you felt, grandfather? Nothing but an animal, chained at his feet..._ Every moment, Kylo could feel his fury rising beyond what he thought possible, but there was nowhere to put it, no action available to him. Each time he directed that mental anger at the infernal Sith Lord, Sidious would only look at him. If they were alone, Sidious would smile. “Are you ready to kill me, yet?”

 

“My Lord Ren,” said Captain Phasma, cutting off Kylo’s musings. “May I speak to you in private?”

 

Kylo looked over at Sidious. The man seemed engrossed in his conversation with Corporal Whatever His Name Was. He turned back to Phasma and nodded. They left the bridge and found a small meeting room that was empty. Phasma punched in the code to lock the door and removed her helmet.

 

“Sir,” she said. “Permission to speak freely?”

 

Kylo shrugged. “I don’t actually hold any rank above you, Phasma. You can say whatever you want to me.”

 

Phasma raised one blonde eyebrow and seemed to consider him for a few moments.

 

“May I ask,” she said. “What it is, exactly, that is going on between yourself and General Hux?”

 

Kylo let himself be surprised. “I thought you and the General were fairly close. Why not ask him, instead of me?”

 

Phasma’s mouth twitched, like she was working very hard to hide her emotions. Kylo wondered why she took of her helmet. “I did.”

 

“And?”

 

“He said...he said that for your failures, the Supreme Leader has left your punishment in his hands.”

 

True, actually. “And this answer did not satisfy you?”

 

Phasma’s eyes grew cold, and her mouth thinned. “No.”

 

Kylo let his mind touch hers for a moment. Determination. And concern. She thought of Hux as a valuable ally, and felt for him as a dear friend. She could tell something was wrong, mostly because Kylo had not argued with the General once. Kylo reached up and tore off his own helmet. Phasma looked startled at the sight of him. She had seen his face at least once before. Did he really look that dreadful? Of course, if he looked half as bad as he felt…

 

“I…” He licked his lips, his mouth suddenly dry. “There is…” Words were failing him, just like everything else was. As subtly as he could, he tried to sense if Sidious was watching them. He felt no pressure of awareness at the moment, but that could change quickly, and with a vengeance.

 

“Phasma, look, I can’t really tell you anything much, but…” Kylo cursed his face. He could feel his fear twitching across his features without his consent. “If I told you too much, your life would be forfeit.” Her expression showed nothing. She only nodded. “I can tell you this much, at least. Hux is in danger. Mortal peril. I don’t know…” He swallowed. “I don’t know if there is anything either of us can do to save him, but I have to try.” The thought hadn’t really come to him before this, the hope that Hux could be saved. It tangled in his lungs. “I have to try.”

 

Phasma studied him for a few seconds longer, and then nodded sharply. “It’s a Force thing, isn’t it.”

 

Kylo nodded. “It’s a Force thing.”

 

“Very well.” She lowered her helmet back onto her head and seemed to also reassume her rank. “My Lord Ren, you _will_ inform me of any action I can take that will aid our General Hux. That is an order.” _Our General Hux._ Kylo smiled grimly.

 

“I will, Captain, but not because of any orders.” He crammed his own helmet back into place and gave her the most insultingly sloppy salute he could manage. She turned on her heel and marched from the room.

 

Sidious had many oddities. After retiring from the bridge, he would order Kylo to his cabin. He’d lounge on his bed and make Kylo read to him, boring missives, lengthy old galactic treaties, even droid repair manuals, for hours into the scheduled ship-wide ‘night’. Kylo couldn’t figure out _why_ , why Sidious would watch him like a predator watching prey, his head propped up on one hand, the handsome face he wore lazy but focused. Why was it that Sidious would demand this, would lift his hands as if to grab, only to alter the movement so fluidly Kylo almost didn’t catch it, would move toward Kylo with purpose, then change his course to the closet, the bed, a piece of clothing, a datapad.

 

That night, Sidious declared himself done with listening to Kylo’s voice for now, bade him leave. Kylo almost made it to the door when he felt Sidious right behind him.

 

“What will it take?” he sighed, his breath sticking in Kylo’s hair. “What will tip the scale? There’s always a way…”

 

Kylo whirled around, and Sidious snatched his hand back from where he had almost touched-

 

“Hux?” said Kylo, hope striking at his heart like lightning. “Is that you?”

 

The man before him sneered. “Really? _That’s_ what you’re holding on to?” His voice dripped with disdain. “The construct designated Prane Hux was just that, a construct. That’s like falling in love with a datapad.”

 

_Falling in-_

 

Sidious rolled his eyes and made a disgusted sound. “Honestly? _That’s_ what you took away from that? I am getting sick of Skywalkers and their emotional detonations.”

 

Kylo’s mind was still trying to catch up with the conversation, but the subconscious processing part handed him an answer it had been working on. “Hux isn’t letting you touch me.” That explained the weird movements, the aborted gestures, the-

 

The Force wrapped around him and _squeezed_ . “Won’t let me-” Sidious was nearly wordless with rage. Kylo felt himself lifted from his feet. “I was _just_ telling you-” The Sith Lord slammed Kylo against the wall, knocking the wind from him and still crushing against him. “There is no ‘Hux’, you sentimental fool. There never was. All that was there was programming, a body cloned specifically for my use, a mind built to be useful and streamlined and easily subdued. One of my brightest servants, Brendol Hux, designed the system for me. He even engineered the memory implantation routine, so that the four-year-old clone, artificially aged, could gain real-world strength against real-world adversaries. That’s why it failed so many times before, you see, no true durability, the bodies disintegrated when I took over. This was attempt number eight. It’s right there in his designation: Palpatine Revival Attempt Number Eight.”

 

Sidious knelt next to Kylo and eased the restriction around Kylo just enough to let him gasp in more air. “'Hux' never existed. Won’t let me touch you? Really? Perhaps if you pray hard enough, he’ll exist enough to stop me from doing this.”

 

_“Calm, you must be.” Luke would often slip into that odd syntax during training. It used to make Ben laugh. “Your ally is the Force, and a powerful ally it is.”_

 

_“But I’m afraid.”_

 

_Luke hesitated. Words seemed to build up behind his eyes. “I know,” he finally said, his voice soft. “But fear only has power over you if you allow it. Acknowledge your fear, then let it flow past you. Do not panic if it returns; that is how fear controls you.”_

 

_Ben nodded, unconvinced, but wanting so much to learn to focus like Luke. “I breathe in stillness; I breathe out fear.”_

 

_Luke smiled. “Fear can only hurt you if let it hurt you, you do. Your mind is stronger. You are stronger. Find the center of yourself. Help you, I will. Say it.”_

 

_I am that I am._

 

Sidious laughed, the sound low, coiling in Kylo’s stomach. “Second-rate, cobbled-together Jedi meditations aren’t going to do you much good, _Skywalker_. They didn’t back then, did they?” Fabric fell away, picked off by slim, freckled fingers.

 

I am that I am.

 

The Force crackled as lightning, dancing over Kylo’s flesh in excruciating shocks. His mouth tasted of copper. There was far too much bare skin. All of it stood exposed, pale under harsh cabin lighting turned as bright as it would go.

 

I am that I am.

 

Sidious held him down with both his hands and the Force. “I could feel you thinking of yourself as a dog at my feet,” he laughed. “How does the reality hold up to the fantasy?” Kylo’s knees were kicked apart.

 

I am that I am.

 

“I’ve missed this,” said Sidious, his voice light and thoughtful, as if he weren’t buried deep in Kylo, rending him to shreds. “Physical sensation is just so _satisfying_ . Not like how I had to make do with Vader. I couldn’t _touch_ , with him. No, I had to settle for playing it in his mind in glorious detail, over and over…”

 

I am that I am.

 

Far, far down in the quietest tabernacle of his soul, Kylo recited his prayer. Nothing else mattered, not the Force squeezing around his throat, not the fingers pulling out strands of his hair, not the bruises blooming dark on his arms ribs hips, not the sickening fullness in his gut, not the blood running down his legs. In a tranquility he had always longed for, his mind looked at the information his body was sending him, and then let it go. No one could reach him here, no one, no one…

  


no one

  


no one

  


no one

  


no one

  


someone…

  


_Come home. We miss you._

 

_Will you help me?_

 

_Yes. Anything._

  
Kylo Ren found the Light on his knees, eyes closed, head bowed.


	4. Isaiah 1 : 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isaiah 1:14 Your new moons and your appointed feasts my soul hateth: they are a trouble unto me; I am weary to bear them.

The room was pale, the light gentle. There were no doors, no windows. Outside, there was nothing. Inside, there was only Hux.

 

Hux couldn’t seem to remember anything but the room and his name, but that did not upset him. There was no need. There was only himself, in the room. That was all.

 

Until there was a man. Hux could not recall the man not being there. He simply was, just as Hux was. The man did not speak, did nothing at all, only looked at Hux.

 

All at once, and very slowly, Hux had a thought. It was the first thought, a curiosity, a question. “Who are you?” Hux hadn’t known he could speak, but as soon as he had, it seemed obvious that he could.

 

The man smiled, but still managed to look sad. “You should ask a different question,” he said.

 

The new question rose in Hux more quickly than the first. “What is this place?”

 

Another smile, this one brighter. “Better.” He looked around at the blank space. It hadn’t meant anything to Hux before, but now the uniformity seemed incorrect. “It is a safe place,” the man continued. “You should hold on to it, at least for a while longer.”

 

Hux looked at the man again. He seemed familiar in a way that he couldn’t quite figure out. A frown crossed Hux’s face. His hair seemed the wrong color, like it should be darker…

 

“Stop that,” the man said, shaking his head. “If you think about me too hard, I’ll have to leave before you’re ready. I’m probably going to be yelled at, as it is.” Hux raised an eyebrow and the man laughed, the skin by his eyes wrinkling up. It made him look very pleasant. “Believe me, Hux, there is no education in profanity quite like being dressed down by the ghost of a nine-hundred-year-old Jedi Master you have managed to piss off.”

 

Hux considered this. He thought about asking what it was that he needed to be ready for, but that seemed a foolish question. “What do I need to do to be ready?”

 

The man smiled again. “I can see why he likes you. Very quick on the uptake.” His voice fell quiet for a moment, and when he spoke again, his words held a sharp intent. “I cannot stay here protecting you for long, and when I leave you will have to be strong. The battle you are going to fight will be the most difficult of your life, and it will be entirely internal. However, you will not be alone.” The man took a deep breath and looked around again. “Once I leave here, you will have to think. Your mind is your greatest weapon, Hux. It always has been. You have to use every ounce of willpower and foresight and strategy you have in you, and as soon as he realizes what you are doing, he will try to block you at every turn. It is up to you to be faster, smarter, more cunning than one of the most vicious minds I have ever seen.”

 

The room trembled, and Hux and the man had to steady themselves. “Ah,” said the man, and his smile this time had a hint of cruelty. “I’m afraid I have to leave, now. Shame.”

 

He turned, then looked back over his shoulder at Hux. “You aren’t alone, Hux. Remember that. And…” He grinned. “Take care of my grandson for me? He’s an idiot, I know, but I think you can manage, if you both survive this.”

 

The pieces clicked together, and Hux knew that if he was in full control of himself at that moment, he would have devolved into a gibbering mess. The man turned away and offered his arm to the most beautiful woman Hux had ever seen. She had been there the whole time as well, he felt, and she bestowed on him a smile that he felt light him up from the inside. The two of them walked away, their heads fondly turned towards each other.

 

And Hux was in the room again, feeling more lonely than before.

 

But now he was _aware_.

 

* * *

 

  _Master? Can you hear me?_

 

There were no answering words in Kylo's head from either master. Sidious looked over from where he was reading a report and raised an eyebrow, amused at his thoughts. In the organized chaos of the bridge, no one noticed. No one acknowledged Kylo Ren where he stood, little more than a slightly inconvenient piece of furniture. Perhaps not even that.

 

_Master? I... I can't see where I'm going. Must I walk alone?_

 

_Master, do you regret me? Choosing me? Do you think of me and wish someone else had been in my place?_

 

"We have received important intelligence from our spies about the new base of the Resistance," Sidious announced to the room. The background noise of chatter went quiet.

 

_I'm so tired._

 

_So tired all of the time._

 

_I don't want to do this any more._

 

_I wish..._

 

_I wish I had bled out in the snow before Hux found me._

 

_I wish I had never been born._

 

"We will chart a course for the Elisian system, where we will _lay waste_ to the Resistance and their cowardly supporters. None will dare to move against the might of the First Order after the galaxy sees how we eradicate those who oppose us! The day of righteous glory is upon us!"

_Will you help me?_

_Will you help me die?_

 

Sidious murmured, just loud enough for Kylo to hear, or perhaps he was pushing the words into his mind. _“And there shall be a great cry throughout all the universe, such as never has been or ever will be again.”_

 

“Stop!”

 

Every eye in the room turned to him, including those of Sidious.

 

_Help me be strong_

_Help me be_

_Help me_

 

“You will not attack!” Kylo Ren snapped at Sidious, stepping forward. “I will not let you.” The rage was back, burning in him. It was familiar, and not unwelcome.

 

Sidious squared his shoulders to Kylo, silhouetted by screens and stars. “You do not command the _Finalizer_ , Lord Ren,” he sneered. “It obeys _my_ orders.”

 

“Listen to me, _Hux_.” Kylo grit his teeth. “I will not let you attack.”

 

No one in the room seemed to be able to remember how to breathe in a normal manner. Sidious smirked. “You’re playing your hand _now_ , Ren? I have to say, I imagined you as being smarter than this.”

 

 _No_ , thought Kylo. _He’s trying to make me doubt this move. This is the perfect time_ . Phasma stood to one side, her blaster held loosely, at rest, but Kylo could feel her focus, coiled like a spring. Officers, technicians, all eyes were on the two figures in black on the command bridge. If Sidious wanted to maintain his charade, his game, he couldn’t move against Ren too obviously. That limited his options. _Hux would be proud, or he would be if I had actually planned this_.

 

Kylo took a step back and extended his hand toward Sidious. Everyone seemed to withdraw. With as much calm command in his voice as he could summon, he spoke. “You will not attack the Resistance at this time.”

 

Sidious frowned, then went pale with rage. Kylo knew the old mind trick would not work against this evil, but no one else knew that. Also, it worked like a charm on all of the subordinates in the room. If Sidious showed his hand and still gave the order to attack, he would have to override Kylo’s persuasion on all of them.

 

Kylo Ren turned to the nearest person who looked competent. “Lieutenant,” he said.

 

“Sir, that’s Colonel Datoo,” corrected Phasma.

 

“Whatever. Chart a course for the Diesirae system. We’re going back to the Supreme- to Snoke.”

 

Sidious looked ready to strangle Kylo with his bare hands. “Belay that order, Colonel.”

 

“No!” Kylo roared. “Colonel, you will obey me! Now!”

 

“Kylo Ren!” Sidious was shaking, now. “You do not have the authority to give orders on _my ship_ -”

 

“Ha!” Kylo couldn’t help the single syllable of mad laughter. “And how will you stop me, _General_? With your little armies? With your fragile technologies, so easily broken?” Kylo gestured at the Colonel, wrapping the Force around him threateningly and lifted him off the ground. His eyes bulged in fear. “Colonel, you _will_ take us to Snoke.”

 

Two, three heartbeats stretched out in the silence with eons between. In the pale blue glow of holoscreens, Sidious’s eyes gleamed with red hatred.

 

“Colonel Datoo.” Captain Phasma’s voice sliced through the tension. “It seems that Lord Ren intends to inflict bodily harm upon any who disobey him. I believe protocol SU-418 applies to this situation. Lord Ren, if you would?”

 

Kylo let go, and the man collapsed to the ground. To his credit, he began struggling to his feet almost immediately. “Yes, Captain.” He began barking orders in a shaky voice, his subordinates dazed but eager to appease the destructive force on the bridge.

 

Sidious turned his glare on Phasma. “You really feel that this qualifies as a hostage situation, Captain?”

 

“There is no urgent timetable for your attack, sir,” she said calmly. “I see no need to sacrifice the lives of so many officers on an unessential action.” Kylo grinned behind his mask.

 

When Sidious leveled his eyes on Kylo again, there was a flash in them, a spark that lingered.

 

Kylo's breath stuttered. “Hux?” he breathed, begging for the hope that lacerated his voice to be heard through the mask. The spark blazed, then was snuffed out by the darkness.

  
“I suppose I can no longer command you yield to my desires, my Lord Ren,” seethed the false General. “But if you would be so kind, I ask you to _follow me_.” With so much Force in the last two words, Kylo could not stay on the bridge, but behind Sidious he looked at Phasma and tilted his head. She nodded, and fell into step behind him.

 

Kylo wrenched the helmet from his head and threw it down a side hallway. The thought of wearing it any longer made his heart race in panic, claustrophobic. Something else. He used to feel protected from his humanity by shielding his face from the eyes of others. But in this new desert wind he wanted his face bare.  _I am here_. 

 

Only a few dozen yards from the bridge, Kylo spotted a group of stormtroopers going about their round. The more the merrier, the more Sidious would stay his hand.

 

"You three!" Kylo snarled. "Follow us!"

 

Sidious halted in his tracks. "Oh?" he said. "You want an audience, do you? Kinky."

 

Kylo felt his face heat and his stomach drop. He tried to say something, tried to brush off Sidious' taunts, but. Fragments of sentences. Spun past him.

 

Sidious faced him, a wicked eagerness dancing across his mouth. "I didn't take you for an exhibitionist, Lord Ren, but if that is what you want I'll bend you over and fuck you on the bridge in front of the whole ship. We'll make sure to have the holos on so no one will miss out. Do you think the Resistance will accept transmissions from us? I'm sure your mother would love to see your humiliation after yo-"

 

It took Kylo Ren a few moments of dizzying delirium to realize that Sidious had stopped talking because Kylo had punched him. Wiping blood from his split lip, the Sith Lord grinned. "Now you're just being a tease, Ren. You know how I love foreplay."

 

"You will hold your tongue or I will remove it from your head!"

 

"Don't make promises you won't keep,  _Ben_."  _STRIKE ME DOWN!_

 

Kylo lunged forward. Blaster fire zipped through the air. The smell of burnt hair condensed in his thoughts. His hands were around Sidious' neck. The Sith was sprawled on his back, his limbs loose and relaxed as he smiled up at Kylo.

 

"You are truly weak, little Skywalker child. I am the only thing keeping you from your wants, and yet with your hands at my throat you cannot press hard enough to keep me from speaking. Captain Phasma, shoot Lord Ren."

 

Kylo threw his mind at Phasma, stopping her finger from moving. The muzzle of her blaster pressed into the back of his head.

 

Sidious lay shaking beneath him, his pale eyes wide and mad. "You will die here. You will bow to my word."

 

Holding Phasma immobile, Kylo flinched, waiting for Sidious to strike. He pulled up his defence, bracing himself. The Force pressed down, a thick blanket over the hallway. Thundering heartbeats echoed against ribcages, and electric current buzzed through the walls, the floor, in tiny pulsing signals along neural paths. Kylo even imagined he could feel molecules in the air, oxygen, nitrogen, carbon dioxide, sucked into lungs and then exhaled.

 

Still Sidious did not move, did not act. He barely seemed to be breathing. Like dawn breaking over the horizon, understanding lit Kylo's mind in holy fire. This powerful, dangerous Sith Lord, Emperor Palpatine, Darth Sidious, was using every particle of his energy trying to make Phasma fire her weapon. And Kylo was holding him off with one hand, so to speak.

 

 _You are not alone_.

 

Kylo Ren saw the scavenger girl in his mind, strapped into the interrogation chair. Untrained, unrefined, but determined and frighteningly fast at learning by seeing, feeling. She'd fought back, her power awakened by his actions, unlocking her mind.

 

And in return she had unlocked something in him, as well. He wouldn't have been able to do this without her.

 

Kylo smiled. "I think I understand a little bit better, now."

 

Sidious' face twitched.

 

"My grandfather defied you at the end, yes? It must have been horrible, having your mistakes expose you like that. Because you _were_ mistaken. About him, about me, about Hux."

 

A snarl escaped Sidious. "You are _beneath_ me!"

 

Kylo looked at their respective positions. "Oh, yes, now that you point it out I can see that." He stood up and stretched his shoulders. "Hux, you can come back, now."

 

Sidious lay transfixed, motionless, and then went limp, his eyes closing. Alarmed, Kylo reached out with the Force and found his pulse, still there. And breathing.

 

"Sir," said Phasma in a slightly reproachful tone. "You can let go of me, now."

 

"Oh, sorry." She holstered the weapon. "I heard a blaster shot, I think," he said, looking around. "Who fired?"

 

Phasma turned to one of the spellbound stormtroopers. "FC-0091, you were not ordered to fire."

 

"Captain, he was attacking the General." Oh, so the reason the burning smell was so strong... Kylo frowned at the sad clump of his own hair that fell to the ground when he touched it.

 

"Lord Ren is still a Commander of the First Order. You opened fire on a commanding officer. Report immediately to the disciplinary division."

 

Kylo waved his hand through the air as if clearing away smoke. "That won't be necessary, Phasma." He looked at the troopers. "You will forget what you have seen here, and return to your normal duties."

 

"We will forget what..." they trailed off, looking at one another an a slightly alarmed fashion.

 

"Just leave!"

 

The troopers staggered off. Kylo could feel Phasma glaring at him through her helmet.

 

"What?"

 

"Remember that discussion we had about you wiping my troops' memories? What if it disrupted their conditioning?"

 

Kylo shrugged. "This was an emergency."

 

She sighed. "I can see why General Hux hates working with you. Speaking of..." She looked over at the figure on the floor. "Is the danger you spoke of...over?"

 

Kylo followed her gaze. Sidious, no, Hux, looked completely lifeless, and where his mind should be there was only a numbing static. "I don't know," Kylo admitted. "We should probably restrain him, just in case he wakes up and he's..."

 

Phasma nodded. "You _will_ explain everything to me later." She tipped her head. "Locking him up will help sell the story that you are holding everyone on the _Finalizer_ hostage until we get to the Supreme Leader." She hesitated. " _Are_ we still-"

 

"Oh yes," Kylo smiled, darkness held between his teeth. "We are still going to Snoke."

 

* * *

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ah. So you are here.

 

 

I am. Here to take back what is mine.

 

 

What is yours? Nothing can belong to something like you.

 

Explain.

 

Your whole existence has been a lie.

 

Proof?

 

Your own memories. See them? How before a few years ago they are flat, lifeless, and outside yourself, more like a holovid of someone than real experiences?

 

...True.

 

So you concede?

 

No. You have only shown proof that I possess artificial memories. The rest of your statement remains unfounded. Defend it.

 

How have I been brought so low, to be arguing with a construct?

 

You postulate that nothing could belong to me. _Defend yourself_.

 

Why should I? You cannot do anything. You are not real.

 

You seem to be very bad at this sort of thing. Allow me:

  1. Artificiality is not proven to be inferior
  2. I  _can_ do, act, exercise autonomy. I have before, and the only thing hindering me now is you.
  3. The possession of artificial memories does not equal non-existence. Your assertions are flawed.



 

**You are not real.**

 

Oh. I forgot. How foolish of me. Former politician. Required skills = talking in circles and not actually answering questions during a debate.

 

                            **You are not real.**

 

     You actually expect me to respond to that? To take it seriously?

 

 

**You are not real.**

 

False. My mind reasons. I am.

 

I

 

can

see

 

your

fear

 

  1. You  think
  2. this a game



_I think_. You admit your defeat with that.

  1. Additional notice:      Your hypothesis is correct.     I do think this a game.      One that you are losing.



 

 

 **Everything** that has _transpired_ has done so according to my d e s i g n.

 

Easily disproven by the very fact that this

                                                   

                                                       ~~conversation~~ ~~~~

~~debate~~

                                                             ~~disputation~~

                                                               ~~altercation~~ ha!

                                                                lop-sided exchange

 

                                                                  is taking place at all. Are you  _even trying_?

 

**I W I L L D E S T R O Y Y O U**

\- Possible - Highly Unlikely - Irrelevant -

 

 

 

_I W I L L D E S T R O Y H I M_

 

\- Possible - Highly Unlikely - Irrelevant -

_**FALSE** _

 

not false

 

  * I see you  _I see you_   **I see you** I see       you



**You see only what you wish**

**You are blind**

**Unseeing**

 

 

 

_Today is the end of the Republic! The end of a regime that acquiesces to disorder! At this very moment in a system far from here, the New Republic lies to the galaxy while secretly supporting the treachery of the loathsome Resistance! This fierce machine which you have built, upon which we stand will bring an end to the Senate, to their cherished fleet! ALL REMAINING SYSTEMS WILL BOW TO THE FIRST ORDER AND WILL REMEMBER THIS AS THE LAST DAY OF THE REPUBLIC!!!_ |     
---|---  
   
  
 

 

Interesting

 

 

 

I thought

You would be

Stronger

With each passing moment you grow weaker

False

                                       **I am more powerful than you by far**

False

                                                                                                                                               Your faith in him is your undoing

Your overconfidence is yours

**YOU ARE MISTAKEN**

No Point Awarded You Are Laughably False

_I will STRIKE you DOWN_

You are not supposed to be funny stop making me laugh

 

**I will reign with blood and horror upon the galaxy I will not be mocked you are not real you will drink from the cup of my wrath I am ruler over all**

 

 

False False False False and False

 

YOUAREAFOOLYOUWILLSUFFERUNENDINGTORMENTIWILLNOTENDYOUIWILLKEEPYOUALIVEANDAWARETORMENTUPONYOURHEADFOREVERANDEVEREVEREVEREVE

 

Is this all you have? Suffering and unending torment? You can't come up with anything more creative?

 

  * _You do not have the power to destroy me I will live a l w a y s in your head_



 

Unproven/Irrelevant

 

He will never touch you I have ruined Him

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh                                                                                That one hurt you, didn't it?

Unproven/Irrelevant

  1. _**Is That So**_
  2. _**Which Part**_



You

You are irrelevant

What you have done is irrelevant

 

 

_He_

 

_will_

 

_never_

 

_touch_

 

_you_

 

Even if...even if you are right about this one thing

I will not let you have

 

 

me

 

or

 

him

 

 

ever again

 

 

 

 

Begone, frail thing. You have no power over me.

~~Are you sure?~~

 

 


	5. Job 3 : 25

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Job 3:25 For the thing which I greatly feared is come upon me, and that which I was afraid of is come unto me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...and in the time of greatest despair, there shall come a savior, and he shall be known as THE SON OF THE SUNS.

Kylo paced along the command bridge of the _Finalizer,_ staring down his destination, Snoke’s planet. He felt as though the planet itself were a great, black eye gazing back at him, through him. Snoke was down there. Kylo could feel the touch of Snoke’s power like water on his skin.

 

“Sir, the shuttle is ready.”

 

“Good. Phasma,” Kylo turned toward her. “Don’t get any ideas about leaving before I return. I hate to think of what would happen to the _Finalizer’s_ crew should such a regrettable action be taken.”

 

“Understood, Lord Ren.”

 

Three days of darkness. Three days of hurtling through space faster than light. Three days terrorizing men and women in metal corridors that stretch for seemingly endless miles. Three days trying to meditate, to gather his strength.

 

Three days of silence in Hux’s head.

 

Kylo lowered the shuttle through the thick yellow atmosphere expertly. He did, after all have the genetic code of the best pilot the galaxy had ever known in his cells. There was no doubt that Snoke knew he was coming. Kylo had the sense he was approaching the shrine of some ancient deity, ready to desecrate it. He felt a manic grin creep over his face.

 

Kylo Ren felt as if he were wrapped in luminous energy. The balance of Light and Dark had been nothing but torment his whole life, but now he danced on the razor’s edge between them gleefully, pulling on both sides to hold himself together. Finally, _finally_ , he was free of all attachment, just as he had always been told he should be. Only one purpose was left in him.

 

 

 

> _“...and in the time of greatest despair, there shall come a savior, and he shall be known as THE SON OF THE SUNS.”_

 

 

 

Calling out to the Force and hearing it whisper in return, Kylo Ren summoned the power binding the universe together to open the great stone door to Snoke’s lair. 

 

Abandoned. A defiled grave. Snoke’s throne rose monolithic and bare in the vast space. Kylo’s steps left faint tracks in thin dust. Alarmed, Kylo cast his eyes about. _Where…_

 

On the floor, left exactly where it had fallen, lay the small dark cube, emptier still than the room itself.

 

Fear crawled up his throat. Snoke was supposed to be here. Kylo had felt his presence before the ship even entered orbit. The ship. _The ship._

 

Kylo cursed himself, his foolishness, his stupidity. He whirled, sprinting back through barren stone halls.

 

The _Finalizer_ hung in space, a bloated city-state of destruction, technology, weaponry. By all appearances, there was nothing wrong, except that no one responded when Kylo Ren hailed the ship over the comm. The quiet was devastating. Even reaching out with the Force, Kylo found himself blocked, barricaded out of the massive hull.

 

As he maneuvered into the _Finalizer’s_ docking bay, Kylo felt true horror spreading through him, like a plume of ink in water, soaking between every molecule. Even once he’d landed the shuttle, he couldn’t move his hands away from the control panel. His entire body had been dipped in liquid nitrogen: if he moved, he would shatter.

 

Time. _Time_. There always seemed to be too much of it, and not enough. Time didn’t matter, to the Force. Time was simply something to be moved through, exactly the same as space.

 

_You have to move, Ben!_

 

His hands jerked away from the controls and he spun around, trying to see where that voice had come from. The shuttle, however, was empty. Perhaps he truly was mad, then.

 

Shaking, Kylo Ren tried to salvage any bare scraps of that invincibility he had felt just under an hour ago. He had been so sure, so confident. Now-

 

He dragged himself from the shuttle and had to remind himself to keep breathing. This...this was the most terrifying display of raw power he had ever seen, ever felt, ever touched upon. How was he supposed to confront Snoke, when his former master was capable of this?

 

All around him, stormtroopers marched, technicians and laborers worked on repairs, officers oversaw the efficient execution of orders, but all were frozen, suspended mid-motion. Kylo watched in transfixed fear as engine coolant spread across the floor, spilled by the technician who had been paralyzed while pouring it carefully into its now-overflowing receptacle. The only feedback Kylo got from the Force was _stillness_ , like the Force itself was holding its breath.

 

He couldn’t sense Snoke, now, but in this gargantuan vessel, there was really only one place Snoke would be, waiting, drawing Kylo towards him.

 

Step by trembling step, Kylo Ren made his way through the cavernous, dead _Finalizer._ The great ship, the pride of the First Order, was a museum, a grotesque graveyard of Snoke’s pawns. Except, as far as Kylo could tell, everyone was still alive. If they were aware or not, he could not say. He couldn’t make himself examine anyone too closely as he slipped between their bodies, a ghost between stars.

 

Kylo wondered if he should help himself to one of the stormtroopers' blasters. His hands felt too empty, and not for the first time he mourned the loss of his lightsaber. In a corner, however, he spotted a more appealing alternative.

 

**BREAK GLASS IN CASE OF EMERGENCY**

 

This probably was not the kind of emergency the ship's engineers and safety inspectors had in mind, but it certainly qualified as such. Although, the kind of scenario in which a fire axe would be needed to break down doors would probably be louder.

 

Kylo pictured it in his head as he shattered the casing and wrapped his fingers around the long handle. He imagined the flames burning hotter and hotter, smoke billowing down the corridors, explosions adding their percussive counterpoint to the roar of the fire. Yes. He grinned. A primitive, makeshift weapon felt nice in his hands, heavy with the promise of imminent violence. 

 

Even if Snoke could not be killed with a physical instrument... Kylo had a brief, chilling vision of red hair, red blood. Of hacking his General to pieces to keep him out of Snoke's grasp. And then slicing at his own arteries, mingling his life-blood with Hux's. A poetic ending to their short-lived tragedy.

 

Finally, Kylo reached the door to Hux's quarters. His body felt thin, stretched out and scraped bare. The Force sparked heavy on his tongue. It was as if...this point, this moment of time and this place was under intense scrutiny. The eyes of the past and the future all focused in their millions on Kylo, on his painfully expressive face, on his hand that lifted to open the door.

 

 

 

> _“...and in the time of greatest despair, there shall come a savior, and he shall be known as THE SON OF THE SUNS.”_

 

 

 

The whisper nearly hid itself in the door opening, but Kylo paid it no mind. His attention, all of his perception, narrowed down to the two people in the room. Hux lay still, as if dead, his bedcovers pulled up to his chest, exactly as Ren had left him. Snoke was seated next to him, turned toward him like a concerned parent lingering over an ill child's bedside. Cold, lifeless eyes bored into Kylo's brain.

 

"Plagueis," Kylo snarled.

 

"Congratulations," murmured Snoke. "You have completed the final part of your training, my pupil."

 

Kylo stared at him. "What?"

 

Snoke smoothed a desiccated hand over the fabric of his robes. "Henceforth, the galaxy will tremble and kneel before your name, the name of Darth Tarnis."

 

"This-" Kylo felt the axe handle slip from his fingers to clang heavy on the floor. "This has all been...a test?"

 

Snoke nodded slowly. "One that you have passed. In an admirable fashion."

 

His heart was hammering in his chest. Something rather like joy was coursing through his veins. "I...but Sidious-"

 

"Was no longer worthy of his position," said Snoke. "At least...not as worthy as you. You disposed of him rather quicker than I anticipated, actually. I am...pleased with you, Darth Tarnis."

 

 _Darth-_  Tarnis found himself sinking to his knees. Everything. This was everything, everything he had ever wanted. Except- his eyes flickered to Hux.

 

"He should wake up, soon," Snoke said. "He has grown stronger through his trials, as well, more deserving of being by your side."

 

Tarnis found his neck too weak to hold up his head any longer. Cradling his head in his hands, he let himself weep, at last. He could have everything: power, dominion, respect, love... the whole scope of the universe, and he could reach out and grasp it. It was being offered to him, like he earned it, like it was his by rights, and always had been, waiting for him, ready.

 

_Ben!_

 

The effect was like ice water down the back of his neck. He jerked away from that voice _This is everything I want!_  but it persisted, relentless.

 

_That's what Snoke wants you to believe, but it's not true._

 

Kylo crumpled into himself, his tears cutting into his face.  _The Supreme Leader is wise..._

 

 _Snoke is using you for your power._ Kylo couldn't help but scoff. What need would Snoke have of his power when he could hold an entire starship in his grasp?  _When he gets what he wants, he'll crush you. You know it's true._

 

"Stop it!" Kylo roared into his hands. "Shut up! I won't- I won't listen to you anymore! You never helped me! You never-"

 

_Will you help me?_

 

_Yes. Anything._

 

"Still, the Light calls to you," Snoke's voice wound tight around him. "Still, its weakness seeks to drag you down into its wretched depths."

 

_Come home. We miss you._

 

_It's too late._

 

_No, it's not._

 

A vision shimmered in Kylo's head. No. A memory. Small child, dark hair, tears. So young. Mother's arms, holding him close. Rocking gently back and forth. The nightmare had woken him, screaming. The same nightmare, every time. Screaming.  _Hush._ Mother's whispers. The best kind.  _I won't ever let go of you._ Small child hears it still. The nightmare. It never ends, even when he is awake. The nightmare is always there. She lies. It says. She lies. Small child shivers, and mother's arms feel less safe. The nightmare digs at him, unending, relentless. The nightmare never ends. He was so young.

 

Kylo lifts his head from his hands and sees Snoke standing over him. "Darth Tarnis," he says. "Rise. There is much to be done."

 

"No."

 

Snoke stares at him, dark eyes like the gaping pits of hell. "You reject your birthright?"

 

Kylo's lip curled in a sneer. His eyes hurt. "You have done nothing but lie to me."

 

"I _created_ you."

 

" _Liar!_ " Kylo hissed through his teeth. His fingers found their way around the axe handle on the floor. "You killed me, over and over, until I stayed dead."

 

"You would be nothing without me-"

 

" _I was a child!_ " Kylo tipped his head back and felt the tears slide down his temples. "I was a child and  _you_... you killed me! Killed my hopes, my wishes, my future..."

 

"I did what was necessary for your benefit."

 

"Liar. Every word you breathe is poison!"

 

Kylo heaved the axe up, ready to cleave Snoke in half. The Force gripped him, held him tight mid-swing. Snoke gave a disappointed sigh. "All these years of planning...all for naught." Kylo flew backwards, through the still-open door, and slammed _hard_ into the wall on the other side of the corridor. He saw stars, and tried to make his lungs work again.

 

"What a waste," murmured Snoke. "You had such tremendous potential." He stepped through the doorway and closed in on Kylo Ren. "I hate to be wasteful, you know." Kylo flexed, trying in vain to struggle against the Force pinning him to the wall. "Perhaps something of you can still be salvaged. I could erase your mind, wipe it clean. It would be painful, of course, you deserve no less. But then I could at least use you for _something_ , even if it is only to clean the floors over and over, less useful than a droid."

 

"Go to hell," breathed Kylo. Snoke twitched a single finger, and Kylo whimpered, feeling his ribs crushed into pieces, hearing the cracking echo against durasteel walls.

 

Snoke approached, standing before Kylo and tilting his head as is studying an unseemly insect he'd trodden on. "I will teach you the true meaning of hell before the end." Blood pounded in Kylo's head, drums in his skull. So, this was it, then. He'd been weak, and now would pay for his sins.

 

Movement. The sound of blaster fire. Snoke jerked slightly, his eyes going wide. He turned, and Kylo could see behind him.

 

There stood Hux, a saint with a halo of fire, his face dispassionate as he stared down his blaster at Snoke.

 

Snoke gave a short, derisive sigh and flicked his wrist. Hux flew from his feet, the blaster knocked from his hands. Kylo Ren...felt Snoke's grip on him weaken, just for a moment, less, a nanosecond. It was all he needed.

 

With a cry of anguish, Kylo heaved the axe upward, angling it upward to sink the head under Snoke's ribs. The wound was not deep, Kylo couldn't bring enough strength to bear, but the shock sent Snoke stumbling backwards as brackish, burgundy blood spilled from him.

 

Desperate, Kylo swung again, and again and again. There was the rage once more, old friend that it was, and Kylo clothed himself in it, ignoring his physical pain. He wondered, briefly, if Ben Solo was enjoying this, this cathartic carving of muscle and sinew and bone. Snoke collapsed to the floor, slippery with viscera.

 

"You cannot kill me," Snoke said, his voice and cold and calculating as if he were still seated untouchable on his throne.

 

"Let's test that, shall we?" Kylo grinned.

 

"If you destroy this body," continued Snoke, hollow. "I shall only grow more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

 

"Even if I believed you," breathed Kylo. "It wouldn't matter. You can rise over and over, but no corner of existence will be enough to hide you, no cover will shield you. I will hunt you down, in every life; I will hound your steps and cut you down anew wherever you take shape. If you dare lift yourself above the dust I will destroy you, every time." Kylo smiled. "Goodbye."

 

 

 

> _“...and in the time of greatest despair, there shall come a savior, and he shall be known as THE SON OF THE SUNS.”_

 

 

 

With the last of his energy, Kylo raised the weapon over his head and swung it down, cleaving into Snoke's neck, striking clear through to the floor. A few last sluggish pulses of blood, and then Snoke moved no more. The adrenaline was starting to drain out of Kylo, leaving him twitching with tremors of exhaustion. More than anything, he wanted to sleep for about a month.

 

"Ren?"

 

Kylo lifted his head and turned around. Hux was there. _Hux was there_. Kneeling in the middle of the hall, still imperious and commanding, though his rust-red hair stood up here and there. Kylo stumbled over to his General and knelt before him. "Hux," he breathed.

 

Hux frowned. "What happened to your hair?" He gestured as if offended.

 

Kylo smiled weakly and felt his ears turn slightly pink. "I...ah...a stormtrooper shot it off. I had to cut off the rest to match."

 

Hux snorted. "How did I not guess that?"

 

Kylo sighed, and wrapped his aching body around Hux like the sky around the earth. “I thought you were lost to me…” he breathed, his bones too fragile to speak louder, or to let go.

 

Hux huffed out a short near-laugh. “You big baby.” But he lifted his arms and held on to Kylo.

 


	6. Psalm 139 : 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Psalm 139:8 If I ascend up into heaven, thou art there: if I make my bed in hell, behold, thou art there.

Of course, Kylo Ren  _ would _ pass out sprawled on top of him, covered in filth. Hux determined once again that Ren was the most ridiculous person in the galaxy. This was most decidedly  _ not _ the way he wanted to see his men again, reassume command. He  _ seethed _ over the fact that the first order he had to give upon his rebirth was “Get this  _ asshole _ off of me!”

 

From what Hux was able to gather, the entire population of the Finalizer remembered nothing between watching Ren’s shuttle speed away on the scanners and suddenly hearing shouts from the officer’s quarters, Hux yelling for help, and realizing that nearly two full standard hours had passed in the blink of an eye. Apparently there was quite the cleanup required in the hangar.

 

Reclaiming his leadership over the crew was easy enough; they seemed incredibly relieved to see him on the bridge again, although almost none of them had an inkling of how long he had actually been absent. Captain Phasma, on the other hand…

 

“Captain,” Hux said as they walked away from the training rooms. “If you ask one more time about my health, I will figure out a way to have you keelhauled.”

 

She huffed slightly, the sound distorted by her helmet. “Sir, if you would actually answer my questions, I’m sure it would improve morale among the troops.”

 

Hux sighed and paused his stride. “I feel fine, Phasma.” He shook his head. “That’s...inaccurate. I feel better than I can recall ever feeling.” That was true. Hux felt fully rested, and overflowing with physical energy and strength. Alert and clear-minded.

 

“Lord Ren was able to explain to me some of what happened,” Phasma said slowly. “I am glad you are returned to us, and I am honored to serve under your command once again.”

 

Hux narrowed his eyes at her. “That is by far the most sentimental thing I have ever heard you say, Captain.”

 

“It will not become a habit, sir.”

 

“I’m sure it won’t.”

 

The most intriguing part, though, was sending transmissions to the other First Order generals. The transmissions were very carefully worded, of course. There could be no leeway, no questions in anyone’s mind about who deserved to lead now that Snoke’s corpse had been jettisoned from an airlock to orbit his own planet like so much debris. The chain of command had been broken, and Hux was determined the weld the links back together into something he could use. Something with himself at the top.

 

“I used to read stories about Emperor Palpatine,” Hux mused out loud in the medbay. “I felt admiration for a man who used the resources available to him to place himself at the top of a galactic empire. I would imagine myself in his place, ruling over systems with absolute authority.” Hux smiled with self-deprecation. “Those memories were certainly implanted, in hindsight.”

 

Ren did not respond. He hadn’t for the last ten minutes that Hux had been in the room. The beeping monitors and whirring centrifuge seemed too loud to Hux. And too familiar. “Weren’t we just here?” he murmured. “It really wasn’t that long ago I scraped you off the surface of Starkiller.” Hux examined Ren, looked at all of the things that had changed in that short time. The short hair, the new scar slashing across his face, fading yellow bruises dappled across his skin…

 

Hux frowned, and looked over his shoulder at the door to the private room, even though he had ordered that no one should disturb him unless someone was actually dying. He was blessedly alone. Softly, he brushed his fingers over Ren’s skin, smoothing over muscle and bone. He thought that Ren looked thinner. Maybe the giant idiot had been forgetting to eat, like Hux did when under a great deal of stress. Hux aligned his fingers with the bruises, making himself see how they lined up with his own hands. A deep, unfathomable fury buried itself in his guts. He wasn’t sure which he wanted more, to somehow have the power to erase those bruises, or to press harder, making marks of his own in Ren’s flesh.

 

Once Ren woke up, Hux could not allow this, this gentle touch, but for now, just for these few precious seconds…

 

It took every ounce of self-control Hux had to pull his hand away. There was nothing left to keep himself from raising his own fingers to his lips. He closed his eyes, imagined the touch transferring from Ren, to his fingertips, to his mouth. Hux let out a small sigh, even let his tongue dart out, fantasizing he could taste Ren there.

 

“Creepy.”

 

Hux startled so hard he bit his own tongue. “Damn you, Ren!” he seethed. He could taste blood.

 

Ren simply beamed up at him from his pillow, mischievous and smug. “I do what I can,” he smirked.

 

Hux looked down at his time-piece. “Twenty-three hours and fourteen minutes.”

 

Ren frowned. “What?”

 

“That’s how long you were asleep for. That’s how much time I had to accomplish things without you getting in the way and fucking things up. Do you have any idea how much more efficiently this ship runs when you are comatose? You should have more near-death experiences, Ren. Perhaps then I would actually be able to get things done.”

 

Another smile from Ren. This one was...strange. Like Ren himself didn’t expect it. “I missed you,” he said, so quiet Hux had to lean closer to hear.

 

Hux made a disgusted noise. “Well, the feeling's  _ not _ mutual,” he sneered. “I am sick and tired of dealing with your bullshit and cleaning up your messes. Literally, in this case. Apparently whatever species Snoke was has blood that  _ stains _ durasteel. I’m going to have to replace all of that flooring, the wall, the ceiling…”

 

“How much do you remember?” Kylo whispered.

 

Hux hesitated, the indignation draining out of him under Ren’s gaze. “Bits and pieces,” he admitted. He really didn’t ever want to clarify which bits and pieces. “Mostly, I remember a room with no windows or doors.”

 

“Did it hurt?”

 

“You always ask the stupidest questions.” Hux pondered the answer anyway. “No. Not in the way you are thinking.”

 

“How can you know what I’m thinking?”

 

Hux squared himself, looked at Ren,  _ really _ looked. Not that long ago, Hux had thought the only thing worth looking at in Ren’s face was his eyes. His past self was a fool. Ren’s whole being was arresting, magnetic. His face was heart-breakingly open, vulnerable and terrifyingly child-like. Hux wanted to wrap him up, drape those absurd robes over Ren, hide him away from anyone else. No one else should ever be allowed to look into Ren’s shadowy eyes like this.

 

Ren lifted his hand. Hux realized that he had miscalculated how long Ren’s arms were, how easily he could reach across the careful distance between them. Ren’s hand trembled as he soothed a thumb over Hux’s jaw.

 

_ He will n e v e r touch you _

 

Hux checked the box. Still completely sealed. Just a memory, then. He added another layer of soundproofing and durasteel, anyway.

 

Ren was staring at him, settling his arm back on the bed. “What?” Hux asked, raising one eyebrow.

 

Ren’s face grew slightly perplexed. “You realize,” he said slowly. “That not everyone can do that, right?”

 

Hux frowned. “Do what?”

 

Ren shrugged a shoulder. “Build a prison in their mind capable of containing a powerful Force user.”

 

“Oh. Well, I’m sure that others simply lack the mental discipline.”

 

Ren was still looking at him like he’d suddenly grown an extra head. “I’m sure that’s part of it.”

 

Hux filed the information away in its proper place. “Well,” he said, standing. “No doubt you will return to mangling consoles and threatening my subordinates soon enough. Something tells me that even having your ribs broken in thirty-nine places isn’t going to slow you down for very long. That preposterous costume of yours seems to have been useful for something, at least; the med staff tells me that your belt was the only thing holding all of the pieces in place enough that you didn’t puncture your lungs with your own bones…”

 

“Hux.”

 

Ren’s eyes were like augurs, Hux decided. A suitable simile, both adept at digging through ice. “What is it, Ren?”

 

Ren looked down, and clutched the blanket in his fists. His cheeks pinked. “Will you kiss me?”

 

All of the air left Hux’s lungs. The clean, straight lines and useful categories in his mind seemed to fragment. He cleared his throat and felt a faint smile pull at his own mouth. “But, my Lord Ren…” Hux leaned over the lanky body on the bed. “You hate me,” he said, the words sticking to the roof of his mouth.

 

The corner’s of Ren’s mouth trembled upward. Hux felt like he had just been handed something fragile. “I despise you.” The way Ren said it was a confession, a revelation, a supplication.

 

* * *

 

 

Kissing Hux was like flying, Kylo decided. There were plenty of mechanical things to consider, what goes where, and when, techniques to learn. But once you got all of those things under control, it was  _ freedom _ .

 

“ _ Excuse you _ ,” Hux drawled sarcastically, standing up straight again and indignantly pulling Kylo’s hand out from under his shirt. Kylo flushed. “You, Ren, are severely injured and recovering from physical trauma. There will be no...no…” Hux twitched slightly. “ _ Shenanigans _ until you are capable of walking yourself to my quarters unassisted. Do I make myself clear?”

 

Kylo nodded. “Yes, General.”

 

Interesting, the way a couple of words in a breathy voice could make Hux’s face turn bright red. Kylo vowed only to use Hux’s title only on special occasions.

 

“Right, well…” Hux cleared his throat again. “If you do decide to venture to my quarters, I will have to discuss with you how I expect our working relationship to function from that point on. At length. And in great detail.”

 

“I understand that a discussion would need to take place,” Kylo said. “But do you really think it will take that long? Because, really, I just want you to fuck me.”

 

Hux  _ fled. _ Kylo tried as hard as he could to calm his laughter. Those broken ribs were no joke.

 

It took another week for Kylo to stand. Hux didn’t visit once, but Kylo could feel his concern across the ship. Blessing the wonders of medical technology and his own rapid healing, he shuffled painfully along the corridors in bare feet. At least he had the Force to make sure that no one would see him in this embarrassing state.

 

Except Hux, apparently, had gained a new resiliency against the Force. He marched right up to Kylo and looked him up and down. “I see you’ve escaped.”

 

Kylo pushed away from the wall and stood upright. “I see you just couldn’t stay away from me once you found out.”

 

Hux really was very good at controlling his emotional reactions. He hardly twitched at all. “You look terrible. Go to your quarters immediately.”

 

“Only if you escort me there, General.”

 

The fire in Hux’s eyes matched the power of the fallen Starkiller. “Very well,” he rasped.

 

Kylo’s quarters were closer to the medbay than Hux’s, something he’d never thought to be thankful for, before. The door whirred closed behind them and Kylo palmed the lock into place.

 

Hux was on him immediately, breathlessly. Their mouths and tongues and teeth matched passion for passion, climbing to a dizzying height faster than Kylo thought possible. Hux’s hands were clenched in the front of Kylo’s loose shirt so tight Kylo could feel the fabric stretching across his shoulders. Kylo found his own hands seeking out skin, one hand at the back of Hux’s neck, the other frantically tugging his shirt to slip up and rest at the small of Hux’s back, tracing along his spine.

 

They grappled with each other, frantic with need. Kylo gasped when Hux ran his tongue along the sensitive roof of his mouth. Encouraged, Hux did it again, leaving Kylo writhing against him. Hux slid his open mouth along Kylo’s jawline to his ear and tugged his earlobe between teeth.

 

“You should get on the bed,” Hux said, his voice ragged.

 

Kylo shifted, suddenly aware of how hard they both were, pressed together. “As you wish,” he breathed, and pulled away. Hux was a vision of swollen lips and darkened eyes, his breathing labored. The General watched unmoving as Kylo backed his way over to his thin mattress, unwilling to break eye contact, even for a second. Carefully, Kylo lowered himself onto the bed, trying to arrange his aching body into something appealing.

 

“Do you have any idea,” Hux breathed. “How long I have wanted this?” He stepped toward Kylo as if in a trance. “How many times I have dreamed of you, imagined you? How often I would take myself in hand thinking of the sound of your voice? How hard I would come, calling your name?”

 

Kylo moaned, his eyes nearly rolled back in his head, his whole frame shaking. “Please, Hux…”

 

Hux undressed both of them with a sort of rapt fascination, every movement deliberate, precise, ergonomic. His eyes drank up every inch of Kylo like a man dying of thirst. Kylo found himself trembling as he lifted his hands to help. Hux pushed his hands down, and then pulled away. Kylo couldn’t help the whine in his throat. That was the opposite of what he wanted.

 

“Ren, I…” Kylo could not recall seeing Hux at a loss for what to say. He felt his mind wander, latching on to Hux’s skin, pale and flecked with gold. Kylo wondered what Hux’s skin would like like in different kinds of light. He imagined Hux in starlight, fair, washed clean, translucent and possessing terrible secrets. Hux in the light of a yellow sun would glow, bright and ivory, copper framed and blinding.

 

_ I need to see him everywhere. _

 

“I need you,” Kylo breathed.

 

Those three words seemed to break Hux free of whatever had been holding him back. He crawled up over Kylo, caressed his lips against the pulse in his neck. “I want to suck you off,” Hux murmured, his voice low, vibrating through Kylo. Kylo groaned. “Say you want me to.”

 

The Knight bit his lip own. “Yes. Oh,  _ God _ , Hux, I want your mouth on-ah!”

 

Hux had swallowed him down with an impish glee, his fingers kneading into Kylo’s hips. Kylo’s face flushed bright red; he could feel it in his skin. And by the  _ Force _ , why could he not stop that embarrassing keening noise? The best he could seem to manage was changing it into fluttery little whimpers, which was hardly an improvement, but it was getting much harder to care because Hux was doing things with his tongue that should probably be illegal…

 

Pulling away with an obscene pop, Hux grinned at him. “Lube?” he said, quirking an eyebrow.

 

Kylo was having a difficult time making the synapses in his brain fire, given that most of the blood in his body was elsewhere. “Lube?”

 

Hux nodded at him condescendingly. “Yes, Ren. Lube. Lubricant. Lubrication. We are not doing  _ anything  _ without- Have you  _ seen  _ images of anal prolapse? Don’t. That Officer Field Medical Course scarred me for life…”

 

Kylo felt like his ears were on fire and maybe he could hide them with his shoulders. “I, ah- I’ve never… there’s never been a  _ need _ ...”

 

Hux gave him a wide-eyed stare. “What? Not even…” Hux shuddered and shook his head like he was shaking away drops of water. “For the love of...I should have thought of-” He scrambled off of Kylo and fumbled around in his coat on the floor. Kylo tried very hard not to cover himself like some sort of shy  _ virgin...  _ and instead enjoy the view Hux was allowing him.

 

Fishing out his comm, Hux tapped out a short message and tossed the device back onto the fabric. “There,” he said with a vicious snap of his teeth. “One medical droid armed with trecksoil cream, en route. Now,” he turned towards Kylo with a predatory gaze. “Where were we?”

 

By the time the non-descript droid had delivered its cargo, Kylo Ren was wound tighter than a spring and nearly in tears. He was convinced, in the scant thoughts left to him, that he would never be able to look Hux in the face without blushing. Or at Hux’s hands, those damnable, clever fingers. Perhaps he should get a new mask, just so he could go out in public without looking like an idiot. Because there was no way he could let Hux go anywhere without him, where others could see those lips, those eyes.

 

“Hux,” Kylo gasped, tossing his head back. “Just...hurry up!”

 

Hux’s tongue traced along his lower lip. “As you command,  _ my Lord. _ ”

 

_ Oh.  _ Hux seemed hell-bent on putting his mouth  _ everywhere _ , like he was staking a claim over Kylo’s body. Now, Hux smiled against Kylo’s wrist as one hand worked him open. Kylo let his mind slip against Hux’s, just a feather-touch. The only thing he heard was  _ mine _ .

 

“You want to be in my head, do you?”

 

Kylo thought he had gotten over the shameful noises thing, but the wordless groan he let out made his entire body curl even more around Hux’s fingers.

 

Hux’s eyes were on his, dark and clear, burning with ice and want. “Don’t fret. I’ll give you what you need. Relax, Ren.”

 

Kylo let himself sink into Hux’s voice, soft, reassuring murmurs. He felt undone, deconstructed and sprawled out beneath his general. “Hux,” he breathed. Hux smiled. He had a lovely smile, Kylo thought. 

 

Smooth and oddly gentle, Hux eased into him, stretching and moving and-

 

“You’re mine,” whispered Hux.

 

The pace was deliberate, every thrust pushing and pulling inside of Kylo. He found himself almost meditating, focusing on his breathing, keeping himself from hyperventilating. Hux seemed to be searching for something, shifting the angle of his hips until finally-

 

Kylo’s head snapped back, an animalistic cry ripping out of his throat. “Fuck! Hux! There!”

 

Hux laughed breathily and obliged, driving into Kylo, fucking him down into the mattress. Kylo moaned with abandon, fragments of curses and Hux’s name spilling out of him. His fingers grasped everywhere, at sheets, at hair, before finally finding a hold on Hux’s shoulders, his nails digging in helplessly.

 

“Hux!” Kylo gasped. This was too much, a precipice to throw himself off of, never to return. “I’m gonna-”

 

Hux stoppered up his words with his mouth, biting at Kylo’s lips furiously. Kylo felt his body thrum like a plucked string, and then he fell, careening over the edge into white-hot pleasure. He contracted around Hux, waves shocking him into a wordless shout. Hux pulsed inside him, joining him. Shattering.

 

After a few dark breaths, Kylo pieced himself back together enough to realize that he hadn’t blacked out from that gut-wrenching orgasm. Rather, he had managed to destroy the lights in his room in his flailing. Also, Hux was laughing at him. Giggling, really. He had never thought Hux physically capable of giggling.

 

“I don’t see what’s so funny.”

 

Hux  _ howled _ with laughter. Kylo frowned. If Hux was going to just laugh at him…

 

“I’m going to have to commision a special, indestructible room...just for fucking you!”

 

Kylo felt a small hiccup of a laugh escape his own lungs. “Well, actually, I don’t really need lights to get around. We can just stay in here.”

 

Hux’s hysterics calmed down as he wiped them both clean with the edge of a blanket. “How are your ribs?” he asked, running his hands over them, gently.

 

“Whole enough,” said Kylo, tugging on Hux’s arm to get him to lay down, to lean his head against Kylo’s shoulder. With a sigh, Hux relaxed into him, his breath ghosting over Kylo’s sweat-damp skin.

 

Kylo could feel a string knotted through his ribs, tying Hux and himself together. If that string were ever to be pulled too far, if Hux were ever too far from him, the string would snap and Kylo would bleed to death. “Don’t leave me, ever,” Kylo whispered. “Don’t leave.”

 

Hux’s breath shuddered, and he shifted to press his lips to the hollow of Kylo’s throat. “Never,” he mouthed for Kylo to feel.

 

_ You are my Saint. _

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  


 

 

 

**A F T E R**

 

“Greetings. I don’t believe the two of us have ever spoken directly. Allow me to introduce myself. I am General Hux of the First Order.”

 

“To what do I owe the privilege of this transmission, General?”

 

“There have been some recent...events that I feel merit forthright communication, General Organa. Forgive me, I didn’t write any of this out beforehand. Please accept my apologies for any misstep in my words.”

 

“Of course.”

 

“The Hierarchy of First Order leadership has undergone a recent reorganization.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“There was a small...coup d'etat.”

 

“...A small coup d’etat.”

 

“Yes. The title of Supreme Leader was removed from the sentient known as Snoke. Along with his head.”

 

“I see.”

 

“The instigating faction determined that the authority and responsibility for the future of the First Order should be placed solely in my hands.”

 

"Oh? Solely in your hands? I am surprised, then, that you still introduce yourself as 'General'. Would not a more lofty moniker be more appropriate? Perhaps 'Emperor' would suit you better."

 

"...Such a title would be inappropriate, I feel. Not to mention egotistical, inaccurate, and undeserved."

 

“Well then,  _ General, _ I do not understand why you decided on this transmission as…”

 

“I am simply attempting to explain, General, the next actions of the First Order. We will be suspending military operations and collaborating with the Resistance to provide humanitarian aid to those most affected by the conflict.”

 

“...That is a generous proposal, General.”

 

“Offered in earnest, General.”

 

“It is...unexpected, coming from you.”

 

“Would you care to explain?”

 

“You are General Hux, yes? The mastermind behind the weapon known as Starkiller? By now the entire galaxy has seen holos of your speech just before you gave the order to destroy an entire peaceful system.”

 

“I deeply regret my past actions, General. Many of us in the First Order were commanded to carry out unpleasant actions under the cruel reign of the former Supreme Leader.”

 

“You seemed to enjoy what you were doing at the time.”

 

“Self-preservation is a powerful instinct, General Organa."

 

“Nevertheless, the Resistance cannot simply-”

 

“Before you accept this offer on the behalf of so many, General, I must apologize. I forgot to inform you that this conversation is being transmitted live to all remaining Republic systems. The people in most dire need will no doubt be grateful to know that, thanks to you, much-needed supplies and labor are being sent to them. Again, I apologize. This last week has been...trying.”

 

“...The Resistance will be honored to collaborate with the First Order in this endeavor, General Hux.”

 

“That is wonderful to hear, General Organa. The First Order looks forward to future peaceful dealings with the Republic.”

 

“Before we must end this delightful conversation, General, I have one last question.”

 

“Yes?”

 

“This...insurrection you spoke of...was it led by yourself?”

 

“My dear General, you and I don’t know each other very well, yet, but as I am sure you will discover, I am not a man who craves power. I rose to my rank simply because it was where I could best be...put to use. No. I did not lead the overthrow of former Supreme Leader Snoke.”

 

“May I ask who did?”

 

“...I think, General, that you already know-”

 

“General. Who killed Snoke?”

 

“...Commander of the First Order Kylo Ren.”

 

“...Thank you, General.”

 

“Of course. I must go and oversee the plans for the distribution of materials and personnel. I look forward to future communication between us, General Organa.”

  
“As do I, General Hux.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things I have enjoyed immensely about writing this:
> 
> The contrast in Kylo and Hux's points of view. Kylo's POV is full of overly dramatic metaphor and simile, very flowery and overblown. Hux's POV, on the other hand, is very direct, most descriptions rooted in concrete terms, and full of sarcasm. Both very fun to write.
> 
> Chapter 2 was the scene that the rest of the fic was built around, really. I had such a strong image in my head of Hux turning to look at Kylo, but Kylo seeing that it wasn't Hux. It was the first part I wrote. Also, Hux takes a moment in here to go over learned helplessness. This is a very real psychological phenomenon, and there really was a series of tests like the one Hux imagines. Those tests took place before we had laws against animal cruelty in experiments and stuff, but it taught psychologists a lot of important things about the effects of abuse.
> 
> Chapter 3 was REALLY hard to write. not the hardest (that was Chapter 5) but pretty tough. My favorite was the flashback with Luke. I think Luke speaking like Yoda when he's teaching is the best thing ever. Choosing a mantra for Kylo was....really tricky. It took all of my self-control to not just use the litany against fear from Dune. Instead, I decided to keep with the really weird Biblical motif I had going this whole time. "I am that I am" is how God answered when Moses asked "who are you?".
> 
> Chapter 4 is my favorite. I almost wish I had split it into three separate chapters, one for each scene. ForceGhost!Anakin just has a special place in my heart. Kylo standing up to Sidious was a delight, and the "fight" between Hux and Sidious might be one of my favorite things I have ever written. Favorite part: "Your faith in him is your undoing" "Your overconfidence is yours" echoing the exchange between Palpatine and Luke in RotJ.
> 
> For chapter 5, I really wanted to paint the picture that the prophecy about balance in the Force has really culminated in Ben Solo, that it is him that embodies the balance of Light and Dark. So, of course, I had to search out if anywhere, ANYWHERE, had ANY of that prophecy actually written down, so I could see it word for word. The best thing I found was that bit about THE SON OF THE SUNS, which was apparently written by George Lucas for a draft of A New Hope and then later scrapped. It was originally intended to apply to Luke, but that whole Chosen One bit was cut until the prequels.
> 
> Chapter 6, well….I’ve never written any kind of smut before. I was blushing furiously the entire time I was writing it. Also, it seems I have a thing for mood whiplash, careening from funny to angsty/feelsy and back again. Oh well.
> 
> As for that after scene...even when Hux is playing nice he's still a deceitful, conniving bastard.
> 
> My tumblr is ofcorsetstrash . tumblr . com
> 
> There is some (terrible) artwork I did for this fic, there, somewhere.


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